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Tag: domestic

  • Women overcome domestic violence

    Women overcome domestic violence

    Discussions about domestic or gender
    violence by and large focus on physical or body traces the partner’s blows left
    on the other’s body. However, each time, such blows come with their
    psychological aftermath as well. The psychological violence the abused women
    are subject to, on a daily basis, is less talked about. We should not forget
    domestic violence is dealt with in the legislative system and is the main cause
    of the stumbling block the victims needs to overcome if they want to drag
    themselves out of that toxic relation. Psychological violence is the main topic
    of Restart, a play written by Ozana Nicolau who also stage-directed it at the
    Replika Educational Center in Bucharest. Inspired from the stories of victims
    who succeeded to free themselves of the abusive relations, Restart is a stage
    performance that benefitted from the collaboration with such NGOs as I Choose,
    based in Sibiu and Anais, based in Bucharest. Furthermore, playwright Ozana Nicolau recalled
    episodes fin her childhood when she heard about women she knew being beaten by
    their husbands or concubines. Ozana was wondering why no adult had any reaction
    to help those women or condemn the situation. At the moment, the Romanian legislation
    stipulates, among other things, a temporary restraining order issued against the
    attacker, police intervention in the wake of a simple emergency call. As we
    speak, the victims benefit from much more help from the authorities and the NGOS,
    yet the emotional abuse still keeps the victim prisoner of the noxious relation
    for a long time. Restart is a play about how to overcome that kind of violence.

    Stage director Ozana Nicolau, dwelling on that herself:


    Physical violence is the one that is visible, it is blatant, it is punished
    by the law. Yet it is possible, as there is that kind of emotional violence
    that cannot be seen and which is not punished by the law. That is very hard to
    prove. And that’s where our idea started from: let us see what happens in the
    mind of a woman who, even though she has a lot to suffer from, she still feels
    guilty. She is often manipulated so she can feel guilty or powerless, so she
    can feel she cannot quit, she has no solutions. And I found it important to
    render the fact that sometimes our mind can play tricks on us and that sometimes
    it can be our hindrance. Of course, when we regain our strength, it is also the
    mind that helps us snap out of it, and rebuild everything from scratch.


    There are only two characters in the play, featuring
    actresses Mihaela Rădescu and Nicoleta Lefter. The latter will be telling us
    what prompted her to play the role of the victim, initially, and then the role
    of a woman who eventually overcame gender violence.

    First
    of all, it was Ozana’s offer, I wanted so much to work with her and with
    actress Mihaela Rădescu. And the topic also attracted me,
    since it was a topic that needed to have a voice. And it is true that in state theaters
    there are not that many stage performances with such a discourse. Then the
    stories were deeply touching for me and, indeed, having read them, I also got
    to meet some of those women, since they came to the show. And yes, I find that
    very important. It seems to me it is a step that needs to be taken and
    supported. And you also take a great responsibility, knowing the stories are true,
    those women do exist and they came to see the show. You realize your gestures matter
    a lot, as we speak. When you’re on stage telling their story, you feel the
    energy coming from the audience.


    It is true the show has
    the gift of generating the spectators’ empathy for the victim’s trials and
    tribulations. And actress Nicoleta Lefter was in turn moved by some of the episodes
    rendered on stage and experienced by some of the abused women.


    I
    was impressed by the testimonies. One is that of the woman who says that after
    the separation or the divorce occurred, for a good many years her husband harassed
    her with lawsuits he filed against her, against the friends who helped her,
    against parents and policemen. Which means everything doesn’t end in separation
    alone. That, for me, is an ordeal. And the worst thing was that it was not only
    the woman who had the trauma. When there are also children involved, I find
    that a lot more serious, as they don’t know how to get over that. You, as an
    adult, can somehow succeed to overcome the moment, but for a child, that can be
    pretty bad because it can leave scars for the rest of their lives. And,
    perhaps, if things are not discussed and solved correctly, children themselves
    can end up being aggressors or even victims.




    Restart is not Ozana Nicolau’s
    debut stage performance inspired from social realities. A few years ago she stage-directed Foreplay, a play also written by Ozana, about adolescent mothers, and also presented by Replika Educational Center. This kind of theater,
    socially anchored, comes as a modality to draw attention to some problems occurring
    quite often in the day-to-day life. Does something like that at have any impact?

    Ozana Nicolau once again:


    I think the impact does
    exist. In earnest, of course it is much less strong than we would have wanted
    it to be, as a theater hall has several dozen or even several hundred seats, if the hall is bigger. Yet the message is conveyed since people carry on and
    speak with colleagues at work, with friends, with their families. To give you
    an example, the other day I received very positive feedback from a woman spectator
    who came with her 14-year-old son who initially didn’t want to go to the theater.
    He still had the impression theater meant just theater for children or puppet theater.
    And then he came over, saw the Restart stage performance and said If that’s what
    theater means, I want more of it . And I found that extraordinary, the fact that
    he came and he liked it, even though it is a pretty difficult topic for his
    age. I think people want to see topics that are fleshed out from their
    day-to-day life. I don’t think they can find, in a theater show, the specific
    solution to their problem, but I think they may find a direction, a way of
    looking at things, or at least an encouragement, the hope things can also be done
    differently and that they need to know they’re not alone.


    Another message that
    came from a pre-teen, who was also a spectator for Restart, was to thank his
    mother for bringing him over to a theatre show where he saw something he didn’t
    want to become: and abusive husband and an abusive father.(EN)



  • On violence and other demons

    On violence and other demons




    Whether it is physical, sexual, cultural, spiritual or
    cybernetic, violence is always about power and control. Violence is a
    repetitive process, which can escalate to crime and even murder. This sick
    power-control game is causing deep trauma into the victims. But what is
    domestic violence from a psychological point of view and what are the stages of
    this process? Psychotherapist Cristina Nastase explains.




    Cristina Năstase: From a psychological point of view violence in the family, also
    known as domestic violence involves intentional premeditated actions based on
    physical or emotional constraint against another family member in order to
    control them. So, this is abuse. Domestic violence is a repetitive process, a
    succession of abusive actions, which can become predictable. This violence loop
    so to say has four stages, that can be noticed either in the behaviour of the
    victim or the aggressor. The first stage consists of tension. The victim is
    tensioned and they are walking on eggshells trying to calm down the spirits. In
    the second stage, that of aggression, the victim is being humiliated, sad and
    has the feeling of unfairness and that the other always gets what they want. In
    the third stage, of rationalizing, the victim tries to understand and help the
    aggressor to change. The victim doubts their own feelings and feels somehow
    responsible for the situation. In the fourth stage, the reconciliation, or the
    honeymoon as was dubbed, the victim gives another chance to the aggressor. The
    victim offers their full support hoping the aggressive behaviour will change. Unfortunately,
    Romania ranks among the first countries in the EU in terms of domestic
    violence. Every 30 seconds, a woman gets beaten and 3 out of 10 have suffered
    physical and psychological aggression since they were 15. Another EU statistics
    shows that every hour, two children in Romania are victims of domestic violence
    and 86% of these abuses are taking place inside the family. Only one out of 9
    parents says they would never hit their children while 50% say they are doing
    it for the benefit of the children. 63% of the children have confessed they
    have been hit by their parents at least once.


    Paradoxically, although repeatedly abused the victim does
    not leave the aggressor. Fooled by the aggressor’s behaviour right after the
    abuse, the victim feels like giving the aggressor another chance. Then another
    one. Here is Cristina Năstase again at the microphone:




    Cristina Năstase: There is a certain stage in the abuse process, called the honeymoon,
    during which the abuser changes their behaviour towards the victim in order to
    prevent her from leaving. They may appear as showing genuine remorse, pledge to
    seek professional help and even behave in order to regain the victim’s trust.
    We should not forget the victim is in a state of confusion and the aggressor’s
    pledges and changed behaviour can make the victim to believe the relationship
    can be saved. It is very important for the victims to understand they aren’t
    the cause of the abuse and they should avoid any feeling of guilt, which is
    actually keeping them trapped in this relationship with the abuser.




    The abuse can take various forms as Cristina Năstase further
    explains:




    Cristina Năstase: There are several known
    forms of domestic violence. The most evident of them is physical violence,
    which refers to bodily harm. Sexual violence includes non-consensual sex,
    involving family members and even children. Psychological violence can take the
    form of threats, coercion, harassment, emotional blackmail, humiliation,
    gaslighting, using children as a means to put pressure, and so on. Social
    violence involves the forced isolation of the victim, by forbidding or
    restricting contacts with friends or family. Economic violence is the
    prohibition to work, restricting the victim’s access to money, personal
    belongings, food, telephone, everything that would make the victim autonomous. Spiritual
    violence may include preventing the victim from speaking their mother tongue or
    forcing unacceptable religious practices. There is also a new form of domestic
    violence, cyber-violence, which consists in online harassment, monitoring and
    intercepting the victim’s devices without their consent. All these forms of
    violence are used to gain a position of control and power.




    Emotional blackmail,
    manipulation, coercion, frequent mentioning of the victim’s past mistakes, are
    all elements of guilt tripping. Cristina Năstase:




    Cristina Năstase: Guilt tripping is a form
    of domestic violence called emotional violence. Unlike physical violence, it is
    a long-term process that the victim fails to perceive and ends up by seeing as
    normal. It is basically a form of verbal or non-verbal communication through
    which the abuser seeks to induce a feeling of guilt or responsibility so as to
    control the victim’s behaviour. This is a clear form of psychological
    manipulation and coercion, and it may be identified in various situations: when
    the abuser suggests the victim has not worked as much or as well as they have, when the abuser discusses the victim’s past mistakes, when they remind the
    victim of the favours they have received, when they behave as if they were
    angry but then they deny having a problem, when they resort to the silent
    treatment while their body language makes it clear that they disapprove of the
    victim. Guilt tripping may work when trying to make the partner do something,
    but the cost is that the other person feels manipulated.




    Children are the most
    vulnerable and the easiest to hurt. Perfect victims, lacking any defence, abused
    children actually take this to be normal. Psychologist Cristina Năstase tells
    us about the consequences of physical, psychological and other forms of
    violence on children:




    Cristina Năstase: Children often remain
    loyal to the abusing parent or caregiver, because they are afraid of what might
    happen if they speak about the abuse. An emotionally abused child may also come
    to believe that name-calling or emotional neglect are normal facts of life. Children
    may be unwilling to talk about the abuse because they mistake it for normal
    behaviour. Children often think they are responsible for the abuse, for being
    unwanted or unloved. It is only by contrasting their own experience with the
    ones of other children, by discussions in school, that they can eventually
    understand that what they experience is toxic. The consequences of domestic
    abuse in children may be severe, and they may last until adulthood. These
    children will experience attachment disorders, intimacy problems, conflict
    resolution difficulties, destructive behaviour, addiction, aggression,
    emotional unresponsiveness, and without adequate intervention those who have
    been abused as children are more likely to abuse their own children later in
    life. (tr. D. Bilt, A.M. Popescu)

  • Women’s Health and Domestic Violence

    Women’s Health and Domestic Violence

    In Romania, information on womens health and measures against domestic violence have a hard time reaching the people directly interested in them. Statistics exist on the effects of the lack of information. For instance, one in five women have never been to the doctor for a check-up, and 20% of pregnant women never went to the doctor during their pregnancy. As many as 10% of mothers who give birth in the country are minors, while Romania ranks among the countries with the highest incidence of breast and cervical cancer. In order to address the situation, a feminist organization Filia Center has come up with a project called Bona Dea, promoting womens health and safety. Andreea Rusu, representing Filia Center, took part in the project, and told us about their aims and what they have achieved since last August:



    Andreea Rusu: “With this project, we wanted to provide women with a safe space where they could talk about their issues, but also get useful information from experts. We went to 18 village clusters where we talked about maternal health and breastfeeding, about preventing breast and cervical cancer, and about preventing and combating violence against women. We also went to 6 cities, where we talked on the same topics, adding to these labour market discrimination against women and combating sexual harassment. In six months, we met with around 1,700 women, and travelled 11,000 km to get to 85 meetings. Unfortunately, we noticed that lack of information is rampant not only in rural, underdeveloped areas, but also in cities. For instance, Romania ranks very low in the EU in terms of prevention of breast and cervical cancer. We rank first in the number of deaths caused by this type of cancer. This also happens because women dont know how to identify the early signs for this disease.”



    As part of the Bona Dea project, representatives of the Filia Center were able to confirm the statistics, and to understand the mentality and customs behind them.



    Andreea Rusu: “In Romania, we still have this idea of not talking about sexuality, or contraception, or even sex education. That is taboo. This happens although, according to UNICEF, the average age people start their sex lives at is 15 and a half. However, many women lack access to information. For instance, many dont know what an ectopic pregnancy is. Best case scenario, they heard someone else had it and got scared. They dont understand why they have to go to the doctor during pregnancy. A lot of times, they see it as a luxury and dont understand that the health of the baby depends on medical check-ups. They hide behind some myths.”



    This may be precisely why the first such contacts under the Bona Dea contract were more difficult, as recalled by another participant in the program, Elena Samoila:



    Elena Samoila: “Women were very reluctant at first. This was my impression… everything seemed strange to them, they didnt know us… they didnt know what to expect, and why they would have to take time out of their day to come to our meetings. However, after the first meeting, the one on maternal health and breastfeeding, we saw that they were interested in getting informed. Which is why they came back, they asked questions, and were very active in our discussions.”



    Andreea Rusu told us that they had a very different experience with local administrators and police:



    Andreea Rusu: “Unfortunately, sometimes the authorities are either incompetent, or ill-willed. On the bright side, we met some extraordinary people too: social workers or health workers, who go out into the community every day, who know peoples problems, and know how to help them. We met some extraordinary women in the police, who were really getting involved. It is true that we have had some ugly interactions with the authorities, but they pale in comparison to the good experiences, learning experiences for us.”



    Local police involvement is crucial in enforcing legislation against domestic violence. In Romania, one in four women is physically or sexually assaulted by their partner or former partner. Over 20,000 cases of battery or other kinds of violence among family members were filed with the police in 2017, and the situation improved in July 2018, when legislation on restraining orders came into effect, called provisional protection in Romania. 150 such orders were issued within 10 days of the law being introduced. Andreea Rusu told us that the first hurdle is the fact that the authorities themselves have to get used to this situation:



    Andreea Rusu: “If among the authorities the mentality persists that a womans place is in the home, where she has to clean and raise the kids, then the information that they have to disseminate is distorted. If a police agent believes that a woman deserves a beating for failing to clean up the house, then it stands to reason that they would not issue a restraining order, and would not protect her rights.”



    Elena Samoila picks up from there:



    Elena Samoila: “Clearly a woman suffering domestic violence will not have the courage to complain to a police agent, to get the protection she is entitled to. This restraining order legislation was introduced so that a police agent can issue it on the spot, by filling in a form. With this order, the aggressor can be removed from the premises for up to five days. In this time, the victim has the possibility to initiate court proceedings and get an extension from the court.”



    The Bona Dea project started in the summer of last year, and will be completed at the end of this month, when the representatives of Filia Center hope to register a drop in the lack of information.



    (translated by: Calin Cotoiu)