Radio România Internațional

Tag: Psychology

  • Romanians and personal growth

    Romanians and personal growth

    The internet overflows with personal
    development advice, and the abundance of avenues to pursue this goal makes
    choosing one particular method over the others rather difficult. So a new book
    on the topic might seem superfluous. But not when the author is an Italian who
    speaks Romanian fluently and who writes not so much in order to be successful,
    but rather because he has something to say. Bruno Medicina has recently
    released a book in Romania, and taught the public attending the book launch
    exactly how to use it. Clementina Anghelache, editor of the Learning Network and
    Psychologies Romania magazines, told us about this event.




    Clementina Anghelache: We are exploring the methodology offered by Bruno Medicina in HyperCoaching
    for HyperLiving, in a world in which we want ever more. And this more seems
    to be never-ending, both in terms of possessions, but also in terms of being,
    living, experimenting. This is why it is a good thing to look for appropriate
    instruments, because there are things that we can do, things we cannot do, and
    other things that we should understand when to do. I’m very happy that Bruno Medicina
    accepted our invitation to organise a demonstration together with the book
    launch, to show how this book can be used. Coaching is necessary anytime,
    anywhere. It is not necessarily specific to Romania, we already live in a
    globalised world, in which anything that happens here may just as well happen
    anywhere else.




    Bruno Medicina told us how this book
    came to be:




    Bruno Medicina: My goal was to understand the universe, to reach a philosophy of
    everything, as they say. Scientists are still trying to reconcile quantum
    physics with the theory of relativity, because they sort of clash. I think it’s
    impossible not to have a philosophy that explains everything, and obviously, I
    believe I have found it. This is what I’m going to explain tonight. The point
    is, I’ve always been obsessed with the so-called critical factor of success. I
    mean, beyond the million theories, million explanations, million schools of
    thought, what is the key? It’s like that Chinese saying that when a scholar points
    to the Moon, the idiot will look at his finger. I’ve reached the conclusion
    that these theories are only the fingers pointing to the Moon, so I set out to
    look for the Moon. And I think I’ve come up with something, some food for
    thought. What I suggest can then solve a million other things. You can use it
    in interpersonal relations, you can use it in making money and in business, you
    can use it to win a championship. Anyway, some ideas are self-evident, they are
    only principles. But this is precisely because I don’t like it when everybody
    tells you what to do: how to become a billionaire overnight, in 3 easy steps,
    that sort of thing. Instead, I’ve come up with a set of principles, based on
    which we can reach certain conclusions.




    All those attending the event proved to be people ready to learn more,
    especially about themselves. Alexandru, for instance, learnt about the event
    from Facebook


    Alexandru: First off I am
    very interested in this subject and want to know more about the psychology of
    relations, psychology in general. I am into coaching and mentoring and am very
    curious to know what this new experience has to bring to the table. I believe
    it entails many new things.


    Daciana, another participant, has also shared with us the reasons she had
    to attend the event.


    Daciana: Out of curiosity,
    you know. I am interested in this type of coaching and want to learn as much as
    I possibly can. I receive newsletters from Psychologies and have so far
    attended their events, which I find interesting. I have learnt a lot and may
    eventually consider a different line of work.


    Another participant Liana had a lot of expectations about the event,
    which she has discovered by chance.


    Liana: I actually chanced
    upon the event and showed up. I’ve learnt about a book launch by Mr. Bruno
    Medicina. I came here to learn more especially about myself. I am convinced the
    event is a useful one!


    Bruno Medicina confessed his book may not be successful through what it
    isn’t.


    Bruno Medicina: It’s not built after the US pattern, which
    includes a to-do list. I don’t believe in the saying that if you make people to
    believe they are thinking, you’ll enjoy a tremendous success. And if you
    actually make them think, they are going to kill you. I believe this book
    provides food for thought; it makes you think, find conclusions and this isn’t
    going to be pleasant of course. Buy the book, by all means though, before you
    don’t like reading it!


    Everyone attending the event was amused by the
    author’s introduction to his book and
    perhaps got an idea, which may bring them closer to the Moon!




    (AMP&bill)

  • How we talk to children about the war

    How we talk to children about the war

    The complicated situation in Ukraine has brought out an extremely sensitive issue. Maybe we can keep our children away from a dramatic situation in our family, but we certainly cannot cover their eyes when they see terrible images of war. How do we explain to children the drama of war? How do we prepare them to deal with complicated situations that may arise later in their own lives? Do we filter reality or not?



    Heres psychologist Cristina Năstase’s opinion: “In a crisis situation, a child first and foremost needs safety. Lies, omission of information and false assurances cannot create safety. On the contrary. They deepen the uncertainty, throwing the child into a situation of total confusion, given that children can no longer trust their parents words. If parents don’t talk to children, they can somatize their distress, refuse to leave the house, become apathetic or, on the contrary, become angrier. Talk to your children as much as necessary, give them information, but not in excess. Give them only basic information, in a progressive way. Children need time to process. If a child asks a question about a certain situation, specific only to a certain event, it is important to answer that question alone and avoid enlarging upon the issue, but, still, show availability, a sincere openness, so that whenever the child has questions, he or she should know that the parent will answer it. If children come up with questions and parents deny them, children will be confused, they will think that the adult is lying, and the parents lose the opportunity to assure them that they are safe. But parents are supposed to be the children’s safe haven. Parents, especially of children aged up to 11-12 years, can filter and translate the information to make it accessible to them. They can reassure them, encourage them to let out their emotions, and be there for them. Not talking to them means letting them fill the narrative gap, and the child will think like this: if they hide this from me, it must be something serious, which leads to increased anxiety. If they dont tell me, it means they dont trust me, which leads to lower self-esteem. So, be honest and direct, but without extreme details.”



    Next Cristina Năstase will tell us how we should approach the subject of death with children of different ages and will also talk about the role of the parent in this equation: “It is recommended to start from what children already know, then they should be encouraged to ask questions. They should also be helped to share their feelings of worry, fear, anger, sadness and compassion. What’s the role of parents? To explain, depending on age, what war is. There are history books for kids that parents can get inspiration from, to give explanations to their kids. You can read them stories about battles in which the good wins. Or you can watch animated films or movies with them, adapted from history books. It is very good to play with your children war games, if this game is initiated by the child. The game helps them release their fear and project in the game their war-related fantasies, a game in which you should let the children be in control. Most likely, this game will be initiated by younger children and children of up to 9-10 years. Maybe with the older kids you can use strategy games or video games. Humor is an important resource, because it releases pressure, puts things in perspective and produces joy, and laughter has the potential to wave off fear and anger. For some children it may be enough. Others would ask if people who are fighting a battle die. And you will have to tell them the truth, and answer other questions related to death, because the fear of war ultimately boils down to the fear of death. You can reassure them that they will not die, and neither will you, the parents, because the adults from all countries are working to solve the situation, you assure them that this is not their responsibility, that they do not need to feel guilty, that they can play with their friends, and they can continue do everything they enjoy. Parents can tell children that themselves, as adults, feel the same emotions, worries, sadness, anger, and that they are sure that the war will not extend, that our country will not be at war. They can say that it is important to focus on what we have to do every day, that we can help those from Ukraine, that they can also help if they want to, that it is important to be united, that together we can resist better. Children will feel safe as the grown-ups explain them what is happening. They won’t let themselves be overwhelmed, they dont cry, theyre not terrified.”



    Psychologist Cristina Năstase also teaches us how to talk to teenagers about war: “The big children, the teenagers have a representation of what war entails. What consequences derive from this? They know this from books, movies, friends, history classes, and from TV. Never before has the war been so close. With them, parents need to check the source of information. To bring clear, logical arguments to help them calm down. You need to validate their emotions, accept when they tell you that they are not afraid, although their behavior says something else, to help them become aware of the relationship between their thoughts and emotions, to work with thoughts, to make them think rationally. You can share, as parents, your own views about the war, you can encourage them to talk about theirs. You can talk to them about how we can help refugees. Pick a time in the day when to talk about what changes have occurred in the course of events, if they appear more anxious than the previous day. Be open to discussions, but dont prolong them excessively.”



    Do not try to cancel children’s emotions, talk together about their emotions. Thus, children will feel safe and will learn about themselves, says Cristina Nastase: “Although they are difficult for adults, these conversations should take place. Such a dialogue should be seen as an open door to other future discussions on complicated topics. Adults must accept childrens emotions, not repress them, and find, to the extent to which this is possible, appropriate answers to their questions, so that the image they will process should be as appropriate as possible for their understanding. Do not forget that children can experience strong emotions, but not for too long. The better you master them, the faster they pass. By talking about fear, you bring it out and help the child calm down. Parents don’t have to have perfect answers to all the problems and questions. Analyzing a topic with children is the way to teach children to navigate through ambiguous feelings, to think difficult, complicated things through, which will increase their psychological resistance to them. Parents shouldn’t be afraid to say ‘I dont know’ and ‘I cant’. Showing ones own vulnerability, in a calm and self-controlled manner, is useful, because it encourages the expression of feelings.” (LS)